Damned Hybrids

I hate when a hybrid owner drives like an asshole. I mean, I hate it even more than when it’s just your average asshole. Not because they are worse than other assholes, but because they aren’t.

I take great pleasure in the righteous indignation and rage that I feel when someone does something stupid on the road. I take even greater pleasure in expressing it loudly and colorfully with hand signals as appropriate. So today when some ass cut me off and then proceeded to slow to a crawl, I filled my lungs in anticipation of cursing a blue streak. Then I noticed the distinct shape and knew I was dealing with a Prius hybrid.

The problem is that by driving a hybrid, that person has demonstrated a minimum of human decency. In fact, they at that moment, on the open road, that person is a demonstrably better person than I am, aside from the observed asshole behavior. They are actively doing something to try and minimize damage to the environment, and I’m not. So when they then go and do something so obviously full of ass as cut me off then slow down, I’m thrown into a quandary. By demonstrating that minimum human decency it makes me think twice about condemning them to a fiery hell where they will suffer the eternal torment of having their face rubbed off with medium grade sandpaper and be taunted by small demons disguised as children speaking in a language so maddeningly close to their native tongue that they think they should know what is being said but don’t.

But really, is it so difficult to follow the basic rules of safety and courtesy on the road?  How hard is it maintain a steady speed +/- 1 MPH? Or to avoid asinine lane change that do nothing but give a one momentary advantage of one car length?

(Let me turn aside here and say that, No, I do not ask that driver maintain a +/- 1 MPH steady speed. I know that that sort of margin is not really possible. I even recognize that we are all fallible beings and that sometimes you just space out and go really slow for a bit. I don’t expect perfection, not by a long shot. I do expect you to at least try to drive in a manner that is minimally acceptable. It does not require superhuman concentration to occupy only one lane at a time. It does not require the patience of a saint to refrain from making 13 lane changes between lights. Hell, I’m not that bright and I manage to not pull out in front of cars going 60 MPH when I know that I don’t have enough room to accelerate. So yeah I get it, people make mistakes. I’m not taking about that. I’m talking about jackassery.)

I decided to curse that Prius owner anyway. I feel a good fellow like that, acting in enlightened self interest, trying to do the responsible thing and protect the environment would probably want to be cursed out after the things he did on the road. I know I would.


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